Listen, I am ALL for eating healthy. In fact, I’m a runner and currently training for my 5th half marathon. I enjoy nutritious foods, and during the week I eat (mostly) right. But can I just say, sometimes you need to INDULGE and not feel bad about it. Amiright or amiright?! As I’m writing this, I imagine you all zealously nodding your heads and raising hallelujah hands in passionate agreement.
WARNING: The below post is mostly satirical. Though I support indulging in epic YOLO treats like the ones below every now and then, pleaaase don’t eat all of these foods in a single day. You might die, and I don’t want you to die. I think you’re a nice person.
So if you’re ready to indulge, let’s embark on the most calorie-filled day imaginable. Together we can get through this.
Start your day off with a light, 500-calorie breakfast (or 1,000 if you eat more than the tiny serving size, which you most certainly will). Peaches and Cream French Toast is basically a French bread base that’s doused with whole milk and topped with canned peaches that are drizzled with heavy cream. Oh, and then the whole thing is sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon. #health
Lunchtime, lunchtime! Also known as heart-attack-in-a-bowl time.
Fried chicken + mashed potatoes + cheese + gravy = every Southerner’s dream. To be frank, this IS actually my dream bowl, and it’s insanely delicious.
Discussion at the water station:
Annoyingly healthy coworker #1: “OMG I ate TWO handfuls of almonds yesterday instead of one, and now I have nothing for my snack today.”
*Me trying to respond with a mouth full of fried amazingness*: “…………………….Want a Deep-Fried Oreo?”
Time to pre-game for dinner, folks. What’s on the menu? Sour cream loaded with bacon and shredded cheese on French Fries, you say?! Perfecttt.
Nothing follows that light appetizer quite like our main event: baked spaghetti, Caesar salad, and garlic bread all smooshed together into one epic sandwich. Oh, and for my side I’ll take lil’ dogs wrapped in bacon and smothered in maple syrup and brown sugar, please.
Oh, you thought it was over?
Hear me out: Grab a huge bowl. Add like 75 cups of Nutella to the bottom, top it with all the chocolate chips in your pantry and then crush up Oreos and layer those babies on top. Cake? Duh! Cut it into cubes and add a layer. What’s next? Pudding, obvs. That’s your 5th layer. Now comes the sliced strawberries. Aaaaand finally top it all off with a can of whipped cream.
Boom. We’re done. *drops mic.