A La Croix Conspiracy Theory That Will Forever Change Your Perception of This Bubbly Beverage

September 19, 2016 | By | Comments (1)

If you feel like you’ve been seeing La Croix everywhere lately, it’s because you have. Especially since the new release of their customizable flavor generator, this canned sparkly beverage is slowly taking over the carbonated beverage industry and we need to have a serious conversation about what is actually going on here.

I’ve been aware of La Croix for a while, but didn’t succumb to the craze until recently when the aesthetic can design and a 12-pack sale at the store got the best of me. As a strong believer in the glory of fizzy water, I genuinely don’t know why I held out so long on La Croix. However, as a new and eager consumer of this trendy drink, I have some skepticism about the brand and its exponentially-growing popularity.

My proposed La Croix Conspiracy Theory is not something to be taken lightly. Think about it. A refreshing can of these bubbles leads to one thing and one thing only–another one. Clearly, La Croix has subtly mastered the ability to deliver the sensation of refreshment and quenched thirst, while actually dehydrating you, thus causing you to crave another.* One does not simply follow up La Croix with an ice cold glass of tap water. NO! Who does that?! No one! As you near the end of your can, you’re merely teetering on the edge of satiation, yet never fully arriving.

 

coconut-la-croix

 

My suspicions were only confirmed when I took the Buzzfeed quiz “Which Flavor of La Croix are You?” only to learn that my results were the VERY FLAVOR THAT I WAS CURRENTLY SIPPING ON. They have a hold on me. Despite their pretentious brand name that no one actually pronounces correctly and ambiguous flavor descriptors that–as it turns out–are just French words (pamplemousse has my heart), millennials (just like myself) continue to remain hypnotized by the La Croix spell.

 

la-croix-convo

“pamplempusse”

 

What sets this La Croix movement apart from other fleeting food trends that we’ve watched come and go is how they’ve grown their cult-like following. Unlike other big name food brands, La Croix is completely absent from the world of advertisements. Rather, their marketing relies solely on colorful cans that are pure eye-candy for grocery store shoppers, as well as an impressive presence on Instagram through their active, bright account and collaborations with the ever-elusive “influencers.” Because of these clever tactics, they have made their product arguably the most inconspicuously ubiquitous product out there. I plan on buying a 12-pack on my way home. This is what my life has become.

So there you have it, La Croix’s rise to power–explained. You’re welcome.

 

 

*This hasn’t been scientifically proven but WTF else could possibly be happening?

COMMENTS

  1. Mary Ellen Jennings

    I have tried most and the Passion Fruit is the best.

    September 26, 2016 at 10:41 pm

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