I Tried Paleo And It Was Awful

February 4, 2016 | By | Comments (4)

It started out innocently enough. My husband suggested we try eating Paleo.

At the time it made sense. We were already eating mostly veggies and protein. Most vegetables we like offer easy steam-in-a-bag options. Salmon and chicken, our proteins of choice, cooked up quickly on the grill. What would it hurt to own it and actually go Paleo?

A lot, actually. Namely, me.

I should mention that I was about three months pregnant when I agreed to this debacle. I could try blaming pregnancy hormones, but I honestly thought it would be a good idea. What I didn’t expect were the side effects, namely me hiding in my closet eating entire sleeves of Ritz crackers.

That’s right. I always knew that elimination diets were a no-no for my eating style. If I swear off cookies, every single thing in the world might as well be made up of dancing chocolate chips. Saying no to sweets entirely caused me to physically crave them, fixating on Twix, brownies, and bowls of ice cream (which I don’t even like!) like never before.

So I should’ve expected that intentionally omitting carbs, instead of, for example, being too lazy to make rice or mashed potatoes on any given weeknight, would leave me waking up my husband to ask if he, too, could smell the yeast rolls that must be somewhere in our bedroom. Spoiler Alert: No yeast rolls were found.

That made him laugh, but when he found out I was binge eating Ritz, he put a stop to the whole operation. “No one said you couldn’t have carbs,” he said. “Why are you hiding in there, eating whole sleeves?”

Sheepishly, I replied, “Because it’s easier than explaining a brand new sleeve open with only two crackers left?”

Our Paleo experiment lasted a month, and while we both felt better, my fixation on yeast rolls and Ritz was the ultimate undoing.

Could you stick to a Paleo diet? Or, like me, would your dreams devolve into dancing bread baskets?

This, friends, is the stuff dreams were made of.

Mrs. Monty's Rolls

Mrs. Monty’s Rolls

Refrigerator Yeast Rolls

Refrigerator Yeast Rolls

Double Whammie Yeast Rolls

Double Whammie Yeast Rolls


  1. Dena Gershkovich

    Given Paleo’s restriction on legumes and grains such as quinoa and rice, I don’t think I would ever be able to follow it strictly and still manage to get enough protein, as I am a vegetarian. That being said, I do believe it is possible to be a Paleo vegetarian if you make a few…adjustments. After all, Paleo advocates often speak about the need to seek out your own, personal Paleo “code,” which, by definition, varies with the individual. If I would take on Paleo, I would allow my “code” to include legumes such as beans, lentils and natural peanut butter as well as red or brown rice and other whole grains. That being said, I still don’t think I would be able to take on a Paleo lifestyle since giving up dairy would be difficult for me and, I believe, not worth it in the long run.
    However I do believe Paleo is a very healthy lifestyle for meat eaters. It encourages you to cook your own clean, healthy food an prepare in advance which can never be a bad thing.

    February 10, 2016 at 3:16 pm
    • Jessica Colyer

      @Dena Totally agree… I could never go without peanut butter! I think it’s important to find what works for each individual, because no one way of eating is going to be perfect for everyone.

      February 18, 2016 at 4:00 pm
      • Dena Gershkovich

        Yes, exactly!

        February 18, 2016 at 4:36 pm
  2. Denise Stanley- Dixon

    I do a 75% paleo diet. I am still looking for a great bread recipe. But until we decided that processing our foods was a good thing, everyone pretty much ate paleo, with exception to grains and legumes. Try the other nut butters, and as far as butter goes, the real butter, it’s the only thing I keep in my house. Processed foods cause cancer and heart disease, not the healthy fats that come in REAL food. I love cheese, but do not drink milk. I use a coconut creamer in my coffee and only stevia as my sweetener. What you all are doing is a fundamental step in the right direction. I am also a diabetic, so they want to give me restrictions. There are alot of desserts and treats in a Paleo diet, not the processed crap we are expected to eat. I follow my paleo diet whenever I can, I know fruit is very cleansing, so if I do eat something non paleo, that wonderful low sugar fruit bowl will help get rid of the bad stuff. Keep looking, your version of what you want and need is out there somewhere.

    I did a 100% Paleo diet for 3 months. I was taking different kinds of meds for cholesterol, thyroid, etc, and stopped taking them. After the 3 months I had to get blood work again and it all came back NORMAL. So tell me Paleo isn’t good for you and that processed foods aren’t killing us.

    Lots of love and good health to all!


    February 20, 2016 at 1:51 pm

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